just me

Each experience we go through is a reminder that we need God in our life.

2009-12-30T13:23:00.000+08:00

As the year 2009 comes to an end, i can't help but look back and say 'what a year!'

Indeed, what a year it has been. From graduating from poly to my 3 mths in YFC to studying in Perth, UWA. The lessons learnt throughout this whole journey is priceless. The struggles, the uncertainties, the waitings, the prayers, the tears, the hurts, the sleepless nights, the thanksgivings, the realisation of many things...

I think words can't really summarise all my thoughts and feelings of everything that i went through this year. But i guess, what i really want to say is a big Thank You to God. He has brought me through this year which is full of challenges i would say. My heart is overflowing with thanksgiving. He has taught me to trust in Him in every step i make. I may stumble, i may fear, i may doubt at times, but one thing for sure, He will always be there to help me.

And one major thing i learnt is that, i have come to really truly understand what are the 'things' that are most important to me. Well, besides God, it's my family and of course, my closest friends (i need not name you all, im quite sure you all know who you are).

I must say that i am very very blessed to be in this family and i've learnt not to take them for granted anymore. Though we may not verbally say 'i love you' or whatever. But you know, it's the actions, the presence rather than the words that shows the love. Really, what else can i say, they are my most precious.

And my closest friends. Thank God for the 3 of them. They have always been there for me through everything that i went through. My happy times, my sad times, etc.. They are always there to lend me their listening ear, to share my hurts, to give me advices, to encourage me, etc.. They are the ones whom i know, even though i may be far away in Perth, i can still turn to them anytime. They are the ones whom i know i can trust. They are the ones whom i know will not hurt me. They are the ones whom i know i will miss alot when im back in Perth.

2009, a year that was full of challenges, a year that has been bringing me out of my comfort zones, a year that i have come to realise, through each experience/lesson that i went through, i am reminded that i need God in my life.

2010, i've no idea what lies ahead of me. But i pray that i will remember the lessons that i have learnt in 2009 and bravely face the challenges in 2010. Everything is in God's hands.

How has 2009 been for you?

i wish..

2009-12-11T23:22:00.003+08:00

i wish that time will pass a little slower.
i wish that holidays can be very very long.
I wish that next year won't come so soon.
I wish that st.catherines will send me a confirmation email soon (like nowww) so that i dont have to worry my heart out about being homeless next year.
i wish that i don't have to go back to perth after cny.

2009-03-02T22:32:00.000+08:00

it hurts to see your friends in pain/discomfort.. and there is nothing much that you can do to help them..

God, the Almighty Healer

2009-03-03T23:41:00.009+08:00

went to the hospital to visit 师母 for the past 2 days. rly relieved to see that she's recovering, though she still feels the pain and discomfort.. i hope she feels better soon. going to visit elaine tmr with carmen, heard that there's still slight swelling... aiis..

it rly pains to see them in such discomfort. but i know everything is in God's hands. He will heal them. if anyone of you is reading this, pls do pray for them ok, for their speedy recovery.

Bintan MT - Team Laughterssss :D

2009-12-07T19:22:00.003+08:00

The bintan trip was a good one, though a little tiring but was rather enjoyable. Perhaps it's bcos this group is made up of a gd mix of pple, so working together has become quite gd actually. We can work rly fast. We actually finished packing and measuring the flour/rice/sugar/oil in an hr instead of using the allocated whole afternoon. So we helped to catalogue the library.. Now i can understand that cataloging is not as easy as we think it is.. haa. i think we shld call ourselves "Team Laughters" cos we laughed so much throughout the trip. thanks to the aunties and uncles and the other crazy pple. as shimu said "we used up our laughing quota" hahaha. so true.

thank God that it didnt rain when we went to give out the food packages in the village. cos after that, it rained so so heavily. overall, though it's just 2D1N, feels kinda short, but i had a great great deal of fun with everyone (:

changes.. different.

2009-11-29T00:10:00.006+08:00

after being away, i have come to realise many things.

Measuring the worth of a life..

2009-11-27T00:29:00.002+08:00

Watched the movie - 2012 today. it's a really good movie. I was so tensed up throughout. Some afterthoughts about the movie..

I think that, at the end of the day, a person who has billions and billions of money is just the same as a poor beggar on the street. We are all equal, don't you think? Does having more money makes you more important than someone who has lesser money? What makes one life more worthy than another? What makes one person more important than another? What do you use to measure the worth of a life? Can you even measure the worth of a person's life? As what one of the main characters said "How do you choose who gets to survive and who don't? Their cheque-book??"

"The moment we stop caring for one another, we lose our humanity."

go catch the movie if you can, it's a really good movie (in my own opinion) (:

to give is better than to receive

2009-11-25T18:37:00.003+08:00

哦主啊使我少为自己求
少求受安慰，但求安慰人
少求被了解，但求了解人
少求爱，但求全心付出爱

Forgiveness

2009-11-23T00:23:00.003+08:00

ok.. i get the hint God.. 4 times is not a coincidence anymore..

Forgiveness.

12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossian 3: 12-13

home is where the heart is

2009-11-15T19:44:00.003+08:00

I AM SO HAPPY TO BE BACK HOME!!! :D

even happier to see my loved ones. haha. going back to church tdy really feels like im dreaming. cant believe that im back. and the reactions of different people rly makes me want to laugh. some just stared at me with the stun look (i.e. raised eyebrows, eyes big) and took awhile to react, some see me and went "ahhhhhhhhhh" hahahaha. so glad so glad so glad to see my dearest friends again :D

my last night in perth before my summer holidays was really fun. haha. stayed out till 4am before heading home for a short rest and then to the airport. crazy huh, but i really enjoyed my time with PACE friends. they have made my 4 months in perth really enjoyable and fun (:

when i was on the plane, i kept looking at my watch. 1.05pm .. ok, watch movie. movie ended, it was only 2+pm... went to slp and woke up at 3+ .. went back to slp and woke up again, only to realise that 15 mins has passed. haha. you get the gist of my impatience i guess.. haha. and when i saw singapore from the plane, a smile unknowingly creep up my face. and the thought in my head was "im home, im home, im home, im home, im home" (: the feeling i had when i saw my family.. undescribable joy. and tdy, when i saw my dear lovelies in church, super happy (:

now that im back, it's amazing just looking back at the 4 months that passed. how God has brought me through every day. Seriously, without God, without my family and close friends, i don't how i will survive there. not that life there is bad, but you know, the bouts of homesickness, when u face difficulties... yeah. the 4 months in Perth, ive learnt many lessons, gain different perspectives, made new friends there and forge closer bonds with friends here.

im just really really glad to be home (:

'creative thinking' haha.

2009-11-10T16:08:00.003+08:00

looking at this photo makes me smile. the creativity of taking group photo when your friend is away in another country (: haha.

one of them (think it's either terry or zhenliang or cheeping) : let's take group photo!
me: huh?
one of them: ok. esther, smile smile, pose ah.
and then i realised what they meant by taking group photo. hahaha :D

5 more days till i see you all in church!

see you in a week!

2009-11-07T21:10:00.001+08:00

exactly 7 days from now, this time, i will be in Boon Lay with all my loved ones (ok, almost all my loved ones.. ) and we'll be having dinner together. FACE TO FACE. ican'twait! ican'twait!! ican'twait!!!

i skyped with them for a little while in the afternoon tdy cos my cousin was already at boonlay. the moment we skyped, one of my aunts said "7 more days! 7 more days!" in a loud voice and 7 fingers waving in the air. hehehe. so cute. and my cousin was asking "esther, you know the song 'Nobody' anot?" then i was like "yes.." then my cousin said "when you come out of the arrival gate, you will see your aunties singing that song to you... 'i want nobody nobody but you!~'"-faint- haha :D i love them and miss them to bits!

and then just now, when everyone was already at boonlay, i skyped with them again. then i was just telling them what i am going to do after my last paper.. and i said that i have to also clean up the house before i fly back on saturday.. then they said i can go back and help them to clean their houses.. haha. i'll be a part-time maid with a (almost) business degree :P

7/8 more days to seeing my loved ones. [7 days till i see my family&relatives. 8 days till i see the 4 lovelies (: ]

this is what happens when u chat with carmen late at night....

2009-10-28T00:18:00.004+08:00

chatting with carmen always makes me laugh. haha. this is what happens when we chat late at night...

brattalkت says:
so sian la... i miss going to pandan valley but not to ur place
i mean
Esther ; trust with faith says:
hahaha
i know what u mean la..
though it sounded wrong when i first read it
HAHAH
brattalkت says:
i dun like going to pandan valley when it's not going to your place
haha
sorry arh
it's the time of the day
Esther ; trust with faith says:
hahaha. its' ok
so cute ah u. i read that sentence again and i want to laugh.
lucky i can understand what u mean
hehehe
brattalkت says:
eh!
stop reading the question
Esther ; trust with faith says:
HAHAHA
brattalkت says:
the statement*
what qn
Esther ; trust with faith says:
must be the time of the day
brattalkت says:
i'm rlly crazy
Esther ; trust with faith says:
you are starting to yu wu lun ci
brattalkت says:
disorientated
Esther ; trust with faith says:
hahaha
brattalkت says:
oops
it's actually test of our friendship... see if you can understand me when i get dementia, etc
Esther ; trust with faith says:
HAHAHA
prbly we'll be SOOOOO gd friends that we get dementia together and all we can remember is each other .. HAHAHHA
brattalkت says:
haha
so funny
we'll go like... "esther?"
you'll say "what?"
then i would go like "what? why you what me?"
Esther ; trust with faith says:
HAHAHA
brattalkت says:
cause i forgot i called you
Esther ; trust with faith says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA!!!!!!
this is the funniest la
ohmygdness. HAHAHAHAH!!!
den i'll go" what what? i where got what you?"
brattalkت says:
i'm just good at jokes at this time of the day
Esther ; trust with faith says:
ya. i think so too
brattalkت says:
first the bowels
Esther ; trust with faith says:
HAHAHHA
brattalkت says:
now this
Esther ; trust with faith says:
haha. nurse by day, joker by night
brattalkت says:
heh, then i cant do night shift
my patients will all die
Esther ; trust with faith says:
HAHAHAHA
they will be rolling with laughter
brattalkت says:
haha, all thanks to me
or maybe it's just you
you're the catalyst for my jokes
Esther ; trust with faith says:
HAHAHA!

just imagine our conversation if we really get such dementia.. we'll be entertaining ourselves the whole day... HAHA!

let go & let God.

2009-10-25T23:14:00.004+08:00

my mum: "... you need to have faith and confidence Esther. If you keep on holding onto it and not let it go, how do expect God to do His work? ... don't worry... be more confident, have faith in Him... let go and let God. He has prepared His best for you...."

yes, indeed. i need to trust God and have more faith in Him. and place everything in His hands. He is in control. so, i need to stop worrying so much. after all, God has shown me His goodness time and time again.

23 more days!

2009-10-22T20:31:00.002+08:00

finally, all tests are done, all assignments are submitted. i feel a little relieved now. but then, the thought of exams approaching is making me feel a little nervous.. and it isn't exactly because of the exams itself that is making me feel... scared.. owell..

i wish.. i can go home now. not that life here is bad. in fact, it has been quite alright. but then, every now and then, i would wish that my family is here with me or i am back home with them..

okay. shall focus. exams preparation now. if not, i know i will regret later.

very blessed and loved (:

2009-10-08T17:28:00.005+08:00

angela.c and i. thank God for her! (:

vivian and i. she's the one who planned almost everything. really sweet and nice of her. im quite touched by her surprise. i mean, afterall, i only know her for like 3 months so far.. yeah (:

and the surprise ice cream cake that yuexing gave me (: it was good. but we couldnt finish it at one go.. haa.

so, this was how my 20th birthday was celebrated with the people here in Perth and the manymanymany wishes i received from everyone back home in Singapore, and of cos, the presents that i received through airmail (:

i am very blessed. God always reminds me of that through the people around me and especially so through those who are held close to my heart (:

i pray..

2009-10-03T16:19:00.005+08:00

使我作祢和平之子
在绝望之处播下祢盼望
在黑暗之处播下祢光明
在忧愁之处播下欢愉

哦主啊使我少为自己求
少求受安慰，但求安慰人
少求被了解，但求了解人
少求爱，但求全心付出爱

yesterday during cell, we were praying for the victims of the Manila typhoon, America Samoa tsunami and Indonesia earthquake. i couldn't help but teared as i pray.. hearing about so many calamities happening all at once, seeing the no. of victims, the helplessness.. and my heart ached when benny cried as he was sharing about one of the little girl that he was sponsoring drowned and passed away in Manila.

the news reported that a typhoon might hit Manila again, but thank God, in the end it didn't, now the typhoon is heading towards Taiwan.. i pray and i hope it won't.

indeed, many of us are living too comfortably. when we hear about such disasters happening to other parts of the world, how do we react? i think i've never felt so strongly about such disasters happening before.. but this time round, it is kind of overwhelming... it really is.

it got me thinking what if such calamity happened to me or my loved ones or even some random acquaintance that i know.. we should not take the peace or comfort that we are living in now for granted.. and i think it would be very selfish of us to just know about the news of such disasters and not do anything. i don't mean that we have to donate tons of money, or fly to the disaster areas immediately and help, etc... no, i'm not talking about all those big gestures. (unless you can afford to, then by all means, go ahead. give generously) what i mean is that the most immediate thing that you and i can do is pray. it's the simple yet powerful.

so if any of you are reading this, please pray. pray NOW. pray for the victims, for the many different disasters happening in the world..

hope upon the Lord. have faith.

2009-10-04T16:15:00.003+08:00

2 Corinthians 1: 3- 11
The God of All Comfort

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

8We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. 9Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our[a] behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

today's sermon in church was on Dealing with Pressure. i guess this passage in the Bible came quite timely. Now, most of us have a lot of assignments and tests on hand, year end exams are coming.. be it in Perth or Singapore. Everyone faces pressure, in one form or another.

What i found really comforting from today's sermon was verse 10. "He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us,"

Many thoughts ran through my mind. I thought about the victims of the disasters that happened in Indonesia, Philippines and American Samoa.. about some friends whom i know are feeling really stressed about school work, and many other things... and i am comforted by God's words as i am being reminded once again that God will bring us through whatever we are facing just like how He has always brought us through. be it you and i who are facing academic pressure/work pressure or the victims in the disasters who needs to hold on to hope..

Hopefully, this verse will be an encouragement to those who are feeling pressurized/down (:

从远方来的祝福...

2009-09-26T22:02:00.005+08:00

Ah Ma! 生日快乐! (:

how i wish i could be in Singapore to celebrate her birthday with her.. i miss her very much :/

time flies! it's my 11th week in Perth..

2009-09-24T21:56:00.003+08:00

2 weeks have passed since my dad and relatives left Perth. where did time fly to?? it just passes like a blink of an eye. Well, i reckon that is good, isn't it.. cos it means that i'll be going back to Singapore real soon. Now, don't get me wrong. Im not as homesick as i was 2 weeks back.. (yes, im much better now) but tell me, who wouldn't want to go back home.. back to the place where your loved ones are..

thank God for family, friends and skype!! haha :D but seriously, yes. Thank God for family and friends. I don't think i would have been able to get through this homesickness thing if it were not for them.. the words of encouragement through skype/msn/emails, the prayers, etc.. indeed, God has blessed me with my loved ones, very blessed (:

met up with Eric, Isabella and Violet (they're here for a week), along with Yuexing, Angela and Jingwen for dinner tonight. It was a good time of laughters and chatting. Seeing them made me miss people back at church.. :/ but i'll be home soon. heh.

last week, i finally submitted 2 individual assignments and had a test. today, just had 1 presentation. well, it's going to be a busy month ahead. there's something on every week leading up to the exams, either a team assignment submission or individual assignment submission or test. and then, it's the exams!! :S gotta start studying..

37 more days to exams!! :S
51 more days to homesweethome!!!!! :D

God, my unshakable pillar of strength

2009-09-10T21:58:00.007+08:00

For the past 5/6 days, i had a very enjoyable time spent with my dad, grandma, 3rd aunt, 3rd uncle and 4th uncle. They came over to Perth to visit me. It was really good to be able to see them once again after 2 months here, esp. my dad and grandma.

Seeing them, coming out from the arrival gate at Perth's airport, the joy in me is indescribable. Yet, there was mixed feelings inside me after awhile, cos seeing my dad, reminds me of my mum and siblings. They could not come as they need to prepare for exams and have to return to school for lessons during their sept 1 week break. I was happy yet sad. Wished that my mum and siblings could be here too. But i am thankful and contented that my dad is here. After all, one needs to learn to be contented with what one has and not "ask for a metre when given an inch"..

We went down south to Rockingham and travelled around.. The scenery was really beautiful and the food and places were nice too. But then, to say the truth, it wasn't really about the place that we stayed or the sunset that we saw or the sceneries or the food or the places that we went... It was the time spent with them. Every minute was so precious to me... (:

Now that they have gone back to Singapore.. of course, parting is always never easy for me. To say "goodbye" or "see you soon" is kind of hard. The feeling is as if suddenly, my pillars of support are gone again.. it's the feeling of being lost.. having to re-orientate myself back into the life here once again.. But then i know i will be fine after a few days.

As always, God knows when and how to place "cushions" for me.. I always feel better after talking to my mum on skype and also after talking to one of my close friend. And i would say, unexpectedly, I also received an email from my kor kor too.. his email was another timely reminder and encouragement for me. God truly knows.. He is my ultimate pillar of strength (:

There are a few things that i had to settle by myself here after my dad left.. which kind of made my head big.. I am someone who dislike uncertainties and dont really do well with changes.. But ive learnt as i have experienced God's grace time and again, that He has already taken care of the challenges before i even began to worry about it.

Saw this on Pamela's facebook status: "When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go. Only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly." So the moral of it is, trust in the Lord and not lean on your own understanding. Indeed, not my understanding, for God knows what's best for me.

Now it's back to the busy school life, with a few assignments on hand and exams in 1.5 mths time.. Time to tighten up and, as my 2nd aunt said, "chong ar!" haha. and then in 2 mths time, i'll be back home on that sunny little island, Singapore, with all my loved ones (:

with God in the driver seat, we are safe.

2009-08-26T17:45:00.002+08:00

ever since coming to Perth, i've been learning the lesson of trusting in God everyday. when i just got here, i fell sick - had diarrhoea for almost 2 weeks, and then after the case of diarrhoea, it was cough, flu and high fever.. and now, i have eye infection. (nth really serious. just need to put the antibiotic eyedrop)

i did thought abt it before, is Satan trying to attack me? but then, i know that God is always in control, whatever happens, He will know what to do, and carry me through it. No doubt, there are times when i panick, get scared, worry, etc.. but the thought of God reigning over everything calms me down.

staying overseas, being away from your family and comfort, really teaches you to be more independent. there are so many things that i take for granted, esp my family. like how my grandma will cook and clean, how my dad and mum work hard to let the 4 of us have a comfortable life, like when anything happens i can just turn to my dad or mum immediately, etc.. coming here is when i really learn the lesson of faith and trust. it's really about "being independent of man and dependent on God." really trusting in Him, seeking Him and letting Him be in control.

2 analogies that came to my mind today..

1. sometimes, we are like the car passenger and God is in the driver seat. we know that we dont have to worry much abt where we are going to and just trust Him to lead us through.. so that's good right? but then, humans being human, tend to let worry get the better of us sometimes, esp when we see that the "car" is not going along the "road" that we envision it to be. so we try to be the driver by directing the driver to travel according to how we think it shld be.

just like how, sometimes when we are faced with uncertainties or things are not happening according to what we think it shld be like.. we try to solve things according to our own way and telling (not praying.. telling) God to "let this happen." well... we shld let the driver, who is God, be the driver and trust that even though we may be travelling on roads that we have no idea where it is going to lead to, God knows.

another analogy, though almost similar, is

2. sometimes, we are the driver, we are so sure of ourself, we mapped out our "road" by ourself, thinking that we are very clear of where we want to go. so we sit in the driver seat and drive. but then.. as we continue to "drive", we start to see "unfamiliar surroundings" and then we realise that we are lost.. and then how? we have to turn to either the road map or the GPS for help.

it's just like how sometimes, we are so sure of our own plans that we have planned by ourself and we think that we know what to do.. but then, are we really that sure? eventually, no matter how sure we are, no matter what we plan, we will still need to seek God first, we still need Him to guide us.

both analogies, im guilty of it.. there are times when i let worry get the best out of me.. forgetting that God is in the driver seat, that He is in control. and there are times when im so sure of myself.. and ended up being humbled by God. trusting in God is a lesson that im still learning. it is hard to trust sometimes.. but then, with God in the driver seat, we know we are safe (:

a walk along Swan River

2009-08-13T23:31:00.004+08:00

after my stats lecture ended at 3pm today, on a moment of impulse, i decided to take a walk along swan river. well, the initial plan was to just take a short walk and get on the bus when i come to the next bus stop.. but well, who would have known that the walk would carry on till i reach the city.. haa. so eventually, i ended up walking 6+km i guess, for abt 1.5hrs.

i took my time to walk and just take in the beautiful scenery that God has created. It was a nice time with God too, just talking to God about the past 1 month, abt the many little lessons that i have learnt so far, thanking Him for the close friends that He has blessed me with, that ever since coming here, the friendships did not fade but became stronger and also thanking Him for my family whom i have learnt to cherish even more and not take for granted.. and so many other things..

1 month has passed, many more months to go.. and i know, whatever that lies before me, be it good or bad, happy or sad, it's all in God's hands. He will take care of me. and i will hold on to His merciful grace and trust in Him with faith (:

my family: super blessed, super loved.

2009-08-08T22:59:00.004+08:00

just some photos taken over skype..

some of my dear cousins. they always make me laugh (:

haha. my 'monkey' sister :P

some of my aunts and uncles.. im so loved (:

my grandma and my mummy! much loves and misses! (:

i love my family many many much much much!
<3

by the grace of God...

2009-08-06T21:38:00.004+08:00

Read a poem on Laiyi's blog and i thought that it is quite nice. And i remember that there is this poem that i came across about a year back.. and i thought that it was simple and meaningful.. so, here it is. enjoy (:

"I am one"
by Helen Keller

I am one
But I am one
I cannot do everything
But I can do something
What I can do
I ought to do
And what I ought to do
By the grace of God
I will do