Right now, i'm hovering between reality and dreams. Some people say "Wake up, stop dreaming. You've got to face reality." Some people say "Don't give up on your dreams. It is possible if you believe."

Which should i listen to then? Reality seem to be hitting me right smack in my face at full force. At the same time, i'm struggling a little bit to accept reality, half thinking that dreams are still possible, though it is proving to be highly difficult.

It's a struggle when you have responsibilities, duties and roles to fulfill on one side, and on the other side, you have this understanding and knowledge that your dreams are not impossible, but requires time.

I know there are many who are worried for me. Everyone wants what is best for me, everyone has their own good intentions. I am thankful for that, i really am. It breaks my heart to see that others are hurting too.

At this moment, i think i have come to a point that is in between reality and dream. Some may find it hard to understand and i do not know how else to explain it. And frankly speaking, i do not know what else to do anymore. I don't think anyone will be able to understand the kind of struggle. Literally, it's like the chinese saying "The palm of your hand is your flesh, so is the back of your hand. No matter which side is cut, it will still hurt."

I think i have finally learnt how to let go and let God, because i know that He knows what is best, i truly do. And it's the only thing that i can hold on to right now.

I don't know what people expect me to be. To be happy no matter what happens? I wished i could too.

But the truth is, no matter what turns out in the end - reality or dream, it's still going to hurt very, very much.

Some may think it's really selfish of me in all sorts of ways. But honestly, I have done so much just to go after something that i really want to do. I have thought so much about it as well. Every single thing that was mentioned before, believe it or not, I really did think about it. Why can't I just be given the chance that i need, the time that i need? I'm not being unreasonable. I did give myself a timeline too, and I don't think it is an unreasonable timeline. I just need you all to believe in me, and allow me that timeline that I've mentioned initially and be given the chance to let me try it out.

Of course, i know, it is always said and done out of the best interests for me.. but then... is it really this time round?