It's been a month since i last blogged. Life has been crazily busy in this short space of time. I've completed summer school, did my exam, had house committee and tutor camp and also the training week, and then it was orientation week for the freshers and before you know it, uni has started... And now, it's already the 4th week of uni. Where has all the time gone to??? But then again, busy and crazy as it may be, i say it has been rather fulfilling. I am doing what i enjoy, so even though sometimes it may be tiring, but it's worth it. The experience that i've gain from all these is priceless.

But aside from all these hustle and bustle, since the beginning of this year til now, i've been struggling with my plans about what i'm going to do after i graduate. Time and again i ask myself, what do i want to do, what is it that will make my heart be at ease? To be honest, i know the answer. I really do.

I often ask myself, if almost everyone else is saying something that is different from your own opinion, does that mean that you are wrong then? There are just so many different opinions, so many different people telling you different things, but all with a good intention... who do you listen to then? Sometimes, the voices of others are just so loud that it overpowers my inner voice.. and i strain to hear what God is telling me too.

This decision - whether to stay in Perth after i graduate and find a job here or to return back to Singapore, is one that i struggle with a lot. Perhaps to some, it may seem like a rather straightforward, simple decision. Some would say, go back to Singapore, find a job there, your family and friends are there. I did think about that before. Obviously, going back to Singapore is the easiest choice to make as i don't have to worry about finding a place to stay here, about my visa and all the many other processes that i have to do should i decide to stay in Perth for a few more years..

But when i ask myself, what do i truly want? I know that i want to stay in Perth a few more years. I want to experience even more. I feel like now is my chance, my opportunity. Now that i am here in Perth, why not just give it a go, get a job here and see what is it like..

Perhaps to some i may seem selfish. But trust me when i say that it really isn't that easy a decision that i've come to. I am not a person who makes decisions lightly. I do give quite a bit of thought whenever it comes to major decisions. I do weigh the pros and cons before making the final decision. In fact, i've been thinking about this matter for about a year now..

And to be honest, sometimes, it just irks me a little when people seem to assume that i do things without much thought, making it seem as if the things that i've decided to do is a mistake.. I know what i am doing, i know why i choose to do certain things.. No doubt, there are times when i may be wrong about my own decisions, but i do learn from it as well..

For my entire life so far, most of my decisions are often influenced by the people around me. Sometimes, i make certain decisions so that some people will be happy, because i know that, i am happy when others are happy. It is just that simple for me. But when it comes to things like this, i've come to realise, if i'm going to be pleasing others for the rest of my life, then it will be a rather difficult life wouldn't it? Perhaps, just this one time, i get to be selfish for awhile and decide what i want to do for myself and not for others..

I've thought about this, pondered over this, prayed about this, cried over this so many times. Sometimes, all i just want is someone to support me in this decision, to tell me that "It's okay, go ahead with what you want to do, i will support you, and even if this turns out to be a mistake, it is okay, you can always learn from your mistakes." And i do thank God that i do have a few friends who supports me in my decision. Thank God for them, for not imposing their own views on me, but rather questioning me at the right time to help me see things in many different perspectives. And, thank God that my parents are starting to see where i'm coming from. I know it isn't easy for them as well..

I have about 4 more months left to settle everything. I've no idea where God is going to lead me, but i am willing to take this "risk". Whatever the outcome maybe after i graduate - Perth or Singapore, it's all in God's hands.