saw ah ma's post abt guy-girl friendship. felt that it is a rly gd post and reminder for all of us. so i thought of posting it too. below is an excerpt quoted from Boundless.org Not Your Buddy by Suzanne Hadley.

"In her book Relationships, former college professor Dr. Pamela Reeve discusses three levels of friendships: acquaintances, companions and intimate friends. Dr. Reeve observes that men and women cannot sustain an intimate friendship without one or the other harboring romantic expectations. She recommends that men and women avoid being intimate friends outside of courtship and marriage.

Dr. Reeve writes: "One party can selfishly enjoy all the benefits of a relationship, the warmth and relief from loneliness, the satisfaction of the attention that feeds the ego — all without the accompanying commitment. One party luxuriates, while the other party feels cheated and is left with deep unsatisfied longings."

In his article Physical Intimacy and the Single Man, Matt Schmucker points out that men defraud their sisters when they indulge in this type of relationship. "Simply put," he writes, "a man defrauds a woman when, by his words or actions, he promises the benefits of marriage to a woman he either has no intention of marrying or if he does, has no way of finally knowing that he will."

Stepping Back

Men and women who find themselves in a dead-end friendship, should take responsibility. A woman is responsible to be wise with her heart. Solomon said, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Prov. 4:23). If a woman feels her heart longing for a man who's not pursuing her, indulging those feelings is unwise.

Just as a woman should take measures to guard her heart in relationships, a guy should seek to protect the emotions of his female friends. Paul instructed Timothy to treat young women "as sisters with absolute purity."

Make Room for Romance

Ecclesiastes croons, "There is a time for love." If, as a woman, you are indulging in an intimate friendship with a man who is not pursuing you, you are accepting a cheap imitation of love. And by spending all your time with a guy who will never put a ring on your finger, you may miss a potential suitor.

If, as a man, you are spending large quantities of time with a woman, you may want to consider if perhaps the relationship is deserving of an upgrade to an intentional relationship that explores the possibility of matrimony. If not, do your sister the courtesy of making your stance clear, freeing her to be pursued by another man.

Above all, if you find yourself in an intimate friendship with someone of the opposite sex, ask the Lord for wisdom and discernment. Describing the complexity of relationships, Dr. Reeve uses the words of a poster she once read:

Involvement with people is always a very delicate thing....
It requires real maturity to get involved and not get all messed up.

"Never," she concludes, "is this more true than in relationships between men and women. "

How true indeed. well. to me, there isn't rly anything wrong abt a guy and a girl being friends. As for being close friends .... well. i wldn't say "No, guy and girl cannot be close friends" but. well, one has to be responsible for his/her actions. as the article has said, "... men and women cannot sustain an intimate friendship without one or the other harboring romantic expectations."

you may think that whatever you're doing, how you behave and how you treat the opp. gender is ok, because you feel that there isn't anything wrong or because you think you know that you are just treating him/her as a friend. but it may not be the same for the opp. gender.

one have to be very careful with his/her actions, because sometimes, knowingly or unknowingly, one may behave a certain way that he/she may nt know is sending mixed messages to the opp. gender. and then the opp. gender might misinterpret this "gesture" and then .. that's when problems start to come in. As friends, we have the responsibility to help our friends and not cause them to "trip & fall".

& we should always guard our hearts, learn to draw the line clearly between friends and intimate partners and not misinterpret others' kind gestures.

so, yup. this is a rly long post. all in all, i think responsibility for our actions and behavior plays a very impt role in any friendship, be it girl-girl friendship, guy-guy friendship or guy-girl friendship.

"... Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."
Song of Songs 8:4