16th april. a very significant date in my life. the day that i am going to get baptised (:i`m glad i made my decision. and it is definitely without regrets (:

ever since i was born, i was going to church already. i grew up in church. listening to the bible stories every sunday, singing songs and praising the Lord.

and then as i contd to grow older. i looked forward to coming to church. as it is in church, when im with my frens that i grow up tgther with in church since young, with the aunties and uncles that i noe, with my pastors that i noe since young, with my family there, it is in church where i feel most comfortable and at ease.

i look forward to the worship every sunday. when everyone of us will come together and sing to praise the Lord. singing the songs and hymns makes me feel calm everytime.

when i was in sec 4 last yr, 2005. mabbe it was because of the pressure of the O levels. i started to feel very very lost. i wld be like walking home and then suddenly i`ll like start asking myself, "what am i doing here? what am i doing? why am i here?" you noe. like suddenly smthg in ur mind snapped and then u "wake up" or smthg.

my temper started to become realli realli very bad. i`ll like throw tantrums and raise my voice at my parents for no reasons at all. like the other time. i was abt to go home from fellowship. and then my dad came to pick my brother from fellowship to go out for dinner. and i told him i din want to go. cos i wanted to go home to study. and then my mum was like "go for awhile and den go home and study la. cos need to have dinner ma." then i dnoe what came over me and i just snapped at her. being very rude to her and did not give her face in front of her frens too. after that they left. while i made my way home.

as i was walking to the mrt, i was like scolding myself. "what`s wrong with me? why am i so rude? why am i angry at my mum for? i really deserve a big whack. why am i like that?" i kept scolding myself over and over again. getting real angry at my ownself.

there were many times at night when everyone else is slping already. i`ll still be wide awake. why? because i was crying. i dnoe what im crying over for. many reasons. becos im scared. becos im worried. becos i felt lost. etc .. next day when i go to sch i`ll be like so tired. ther were time when i cried in sch too cos i was very scared of the Os.

and then the Big O came. and as fast as it came, it went too. after the exams. i was so relieved. and then i went on holiday with my frens and family.

after that this yr. Feb 10. got back our results. i got 17 pts. i was glad. very happy. No. glad. Yes. becos i told myself that as long as i got 17 pts and below i`ll be glad. and God gave me wat is enough. getting a result that is just nice for me to be happy and not get overly proud and arrogant of.

at night becos there was a combine family cell grp thing at a karaoke place, me and yuexing got to meet up there and then we`re just talking abt getting the results and everything. we talked abt how God brought us through it. and so on.

at night when i went home. i started to think back. i found that everytime i felt lost and helpless and angry, i thought that God was not there for me. that how come He did not help me.

but then. thinking back, God was always there for me, just that i did not realised it. everytime i was lost, or when i felt scared or worried, or i was angry, just so naturally, songs and hymns that i sang before during worship or fellowsip wld just come into my mind. and then as the song or hymn contd to play in my mind, i wld slowly feel calm and peaceful.

or smtimes. as the song or hymn contd to play in my mind, my tears wld just flow. to let all my emotions out. and den after that i`ll feel better.

smtimes. during worship on sunday. when we`re singing the songs and hymns. i wld feel that the song or hymn is like speaking to my heart. telling me an answer to a qns i have.

and as i recall, i realised that God was always there to help me, to calm me down, to give me peace, in His own special way. Through songs and hymns.

so after recalling everthing. i felt that it was time that i shld realli commit myself to God. To give my all unto Him. and that`s why i decide to get baptised. so this is what i have to share with everyone. hee (: just song to share with everyone (:

Lord, I Offer You My Life
All that i am, All that i have
I lay them down before You, O Lord
All my regrets, All my acclaims,
The joy and the pain,
I`m making them Yours

Lord, I offer my life to You
Everything i`ve been through
Use it for Your glory

Lord, I offer my praise to You
Lifting my praise to You,
As a living sacrifice
Lord, I offer You my life

Thing in the past, Things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands
Are lifted to You

Lord, I offer my life to You
Everything i`ve been through
Use it for Your glory

Lord, I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a living sacrifice
Lord, I offer You my life