As we sang the song "How deep the Father's love for us" during this morning's Good Friday prayer meeting, I was reminded of Jesus' unconditional and sacrificial love for us. Even if it caused Him such deep pain, even if it meant that He had to bear every stripe on His body, even if it meant that He had to carry the heavy burden of all our sins...
父啊，赦免他们，因为他们不知道他们在做什么。
Those words hit me straight in the heart. Even when He was suffering on the cross and in searing pain, we were still on His mind. We are whom He cares for and loves deeply. Can you imagine that? That love. The rich, merciful, gracious, unconditional, sacrificial, never forsaking kind of Love.
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for dying on the cross for us. For loving us even though we are so unworthy. That even though we do not deserve such great love of Yours, yet You see us as treasure in your eyes. I pray that we learn to live our lives well for You, to be a living testimony of Your great love for us. To let the people around us, and even myself, understand that the longing and yearning we have to fill the gap in our hearts cannot be filled by material gains or humanly love. But it can only be filled by You and Your unconditional and sacrificial love for us. And I pray that for whatever time we have left on earth, we use it to the fullest for You, that we finish our race well. So that at the end of the day, when we come before You again, You will say to us "You've done well, my good and faithful servant. Welcome home now."
Amen.
How deep the Father's love for us.
How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that left Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished
I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
It's been quite awhile since i last posted on here. In between, there were many times when i wanted to pen down my thoughts, but many a times, words failed me. Looking back at 2012, it was a year where i was broken and rebuilt by God, it was a year where God painstakingly searched for me while i was lost, angry, disappointed and doubtful.... In short, it was a year that was filled with God's faithfulness, God's love and God's grace.
2012 started with me being very bitter.. At times i was disappointed and angry, at times i was doubtful, mostly, i was just lost... Coming back from Perth to Singapore for good was a lesson of obedience to God. God has spoken very clearly to me, through prayers, through people(mature Christians), through His word, and so forth. I cannot run away anymore, i could only trust and obey for i know that His plan for me is always the best. So, trusting in His plan, i came back.
It was a bitter time learning to obey and trust God. I came back wondering what was His plans for me.... and i saw nothing and heard nothing. I felt that, now that i am back, God suddenly just... disappeared. I often asked God "What are Your plans for me? What now? Can You please show it to me?".. But all that i could hear was silence. It was a really painful time. It felt like i have probably hit rock bottom.
There have been countless of nights that i have cried myself to sleep, there have also been nights that i couldn't sleep. My temper became really bad. I quarreled with my parents many many times. I did not want to talk to anyone, or meet anyone because i was tired. Tired of people commenting and/or asking: "Hey, how are you doing?", "You must be really happy to be back home right?", "What are you doing now?", "Are you working now?", "Do you miss Perth?", etc... I was really tired of explaining myself. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to meet God, face to face. I wanted to ask Him why did He want me to come back, i wanted to ask Him what His plans were for me... I wanted to ask God if He had forgotten about me.
Perhaps what made it difficult to come back was the re-adaptation back into Singapore. People moved on. Things changed. I've changed. Trying to fit the "new me" back into the "old life" was really difficult... It felt like I've lost touch with many things happening around me, i felt a little left out, that i've slipped in between the gaps.. I was searching for my identity amidst all that was happening around me and within me.
Looking back, i wished i could tell the "me" back then about how foolish i was, that my eyes were blinded with pain so much so that i could not see God's loving hands guiding me, that i could not see God's grace as He slowly led me forward, one step at a time..
1. My Job
While i was wondering about God's plan for me, His plan was already happening before me (only that i was too blinded to realise..). Through what seemed like a coincidence, but in actual fact was God's plan, i was given the job that i currently have. God is good, always good to us. He knows me best. He knew that i always liked events and project management, and so God gave me exactly what i enjoyed doing.
I had spent a good deal of time trying to look for an events management job. However, i could hardly find one.. And you know what? In the end, the job found me.. or rather, God brought the job to me. What started out as just a temporary 1 month job transitioned into my current permanent job. Currently, i am a marketing executive, doing events and project management and i do enjoy my job very much. I thank God too for blessing me with a really good boss. She is very patient, very willing to teach and guide me along and also, she always looks out for me. Under her guidance, i have indeed learnt a lot. I thank God as well for my colleagues who are also my sisters-in-Christ, that we can always pray, share and encourage one another when faced with challenges.
2. Friends / God's angels
When i was having a hard time re-adapting back into life here, i thank God for a group of wonderful friends, my sisters-in-Christ - Laiyi, Carmen, Ka Yee, Angela Cheng and Shimu. They are like my support group, they are always there for me. They understood and they stood by me. Their presence and support reminded me that i am not forgotten. Despite being away for 2 years, each time i returned (and then eventually for good), they always welcomed me with open arms and hearts. They reminded me of God's love - unchanging and supportive.
Also, i thank God for my best friend, Emma. Knowing how hard it was for me to return back to Singapore, while i was still wallowing in my own "misery", she decided to give me a surprise visit in Singapore and to also give me a good kick in the butt as a wake-up call. She reminded me of that there were many people over here who love me and were worried about me, that i should not be so selfish and continue to wallow in my own "misery", that i should make the best out of where i am now and cherish the time i have with people around me.. I am thankful that she said many things which perhaps others may not have dared to say to me but was what i needed to hear straight in my face so that i would wake up.
I thank God for the mature Christians He placed in my life in His own time to remind me of who i am, who God is and that i need to go back to God and place Him as the priority in my life..
While i was wondering and searching for my identity amidst all that was happening. God reminded me of my identity through Reverend Lin. During Reverend Lin's sharing at one of the fellowship sessions, part of his sharing to us youths resonated deeply within me. He said something along the lines of "Everything changes all the time, the situation, the surroundings, the society, etc.. but only one thing doesn't change. God doesn't change." and it was during then that i was reminded of my identity that i had been searching so long for. I was reminded of who i am. I am a child of God. I am God's daughter. He is my foundation, my rock, my constant. Things change, but my God does not change. Whatever that may happen, good or bad, as long as i hold on to God and trust in Him, it will all be ok. He will make it all right, in His time. That sense of peace, hope and love that washed upon me when i was reminded of my identity in Christ is indescribable. I felt like i was found again, i felt loved again. I was reminded by God that i was not forgotten.
God also reminded me through Ps Guofen to return back to Him, to set aside time for Him and to spend time with Him, my first love. It was a time when i was really pressured and drained by work. I was mentally and physically tired. That Sunday was a Sunday that God had orchestrated to speak to me about what i was going through then. The worship songs and the sermon reminded to place everything into God's hands, that He will make a way when there seems to be no way. After service ended, a sister-in-Christ just casually asked how was work and while i was sharing, somehow, i could not take it and i teared a little. Ps Guofen was there as well. As we walked out of church, we decided to have lunch together and Ps Guofen wanted to pray for me. What seemed like a "coincidental" lunch was in fact part of God's plan to remind me to turn back to Him. While sharing and praying, Ps Guofen reminded me that i need to set aside some time everyday for God, to spend some time with God...to not forget about Him. I was humbled then. I was reminded that i needed to go back to my first love, that God has been, and still is, so faithful, loving and merciful to me. I was reminded that i cannot forget about God, because He has never forgotten about me.
3. Family
I can never be thankful enough for my family, my parents. Despite the countless of times that i've quarreled with them and threw tantrums at them, they still love me and forgive me. I thank God for speaking to me through my mum when i was blinded by my own pain and own plans. My mum has always been, and still is, a channel that God uses to speak to me.
Throughout the whole year, God has been teaching me the lesson of trust and obey, to be submissive to Him, because He knows best. What started out as a bitter lesson in 2012, has eventually became a sweet lesson in 2013. At the very beginning of 2013, the lesson of trusting and obeying Him came into place again. Through prayers and the mature Christians around me, God reminded me the lesson of being submissive. I was being reminded that it is not about whether we say yes or no to an opportunity placed before us, but it is about whether we are willing to place it into God's hands, be submissive to Him and trust in His plans. This time, the lesson of trusting and obeying Him was indeed sweet. The peace that i had when i trust in Him is priceless.
I pray that i will always remember the sweetness of trusting and obeying God, that i will stay close to Him. I pray that i can live my life to be one that reflects God's love. As i end off this really long post, i want to share the chorus of this song, 尽情的敬拜, that i came across during the 2012-2013 watch night worship service. It is a song that has touched my heart, especially the chorus part, and it is my heart's prayer for 2013:
Chorus:
举起我的心来敬拜祢，
用生命来回应祢的爱。
哦我的主，让我单单在乎祢
尽情的敬拜祢。
Have a blessed 2013 everyone, i pray that you will experience God's amazing and abundant love, grace and hope in your every day.
A week ago, I received the news that a college friend passed away. It was so sudden, so unexpected, so shocking and unbelievable. My mind went blank for awhile. It was like, my brain is desperately trying to reject the news, as if by rejecting the news, it will not be true..
I'm not exactly very close to this college friend, but no doubt, there have been times when we chatted and shared a few laughs. She was a young, promising, freshly graduated dentist who was on to doing so many great things. She was the first female aboriginal dentist in Western Australia. She is someone who had a great impact in the community and an inspiration to many.. To me, she was an example of hope and perseverance. She was always with a smile whenever i see her in college.
The impact that she had on others, knowingly or unknowingly, had been great. When i went to view her Facebook account, i saw numerous posts on her wall from family and friends who poured out their grief and condolences there. Reading each one of them, i could feel the impact that she had on each person. I could feel their grief..
She was only 28. Only 28 years old.. and in one split second of a moment, she was gone just like that. I couldn't help but cry when the news finally sank into my mind. It seemed like she had her future planned out, she knew what she wanted to do. She was supposed to officially graduate this coming week. On her Facebook wall, i saw that her niece was looking forward to her arrival, they had planned to do so many things together.. Her family and friends was looking forward to seeing her again. But who would have known? Who could have known?
The news of her passing has affected me quite a bit. It was like a big reality slap in my face. It made me realize exactly how fragile life is. That in just one second, things can change. That any moment, if we are not observant enough, careful enough or if we did not take notice or happen to look away for awhile.. someone whom we love and respect could be gone just like that. It honestly scares me a lot to think about it. That anyone whom i love could be gone the next moment. It makes me feel sick in the stomach to even think about such possibility.
It also made me realise that we can have so many plans. But sometimes, for some things, why do we plan to wait for another day? There are times when we tell ourselves, 'it's okay, I can tell him/her/them tomorrow..' but how many tomorrows can we be sure of?
This makes me think about my family and my friends. It makes me realise how things are out of my control sometimes. It such a helpless feeling. It makes me feel so vulnerable.. It makes me miss my friends back in Perth so very much, because I am so far away from them. It makes me wish that I am back there in Perth with them during this time of grieving..
The passing of Chantel has made me seen the importance of time, how we value it and how we value those who are important to us. Every second, every minute, once it's gone, it's never coming back. We have to cherish those who are important to us. Because when they are gone, no matter how much we wish to have another minute or second with them, we're not going to have that luxury of having a second back..
R.I.P Chantel Thorn. You have been a great inspiration to many. The things that you've said and done and the college memories of you will live on forever in all of our hearts. xx
On the 2nd of January, Emma came to Singapore to surprise me :) it was indeed a very very lovely and wonderful surprise, best new year's gift ever :)
Her visit to Singapore this time round means a lot more too. It's definitely great to see her again after so long. Those 2 weeks have been amazing :) Besides that, her visit, in some sense, is also a healing point for me. She has managed to kick some sense into my silly mind and help me to 'wake up'.
I must admit, I have been selfish for the past few months since I've came back. I don't think I've been fair to the many others around me who are concern about me - my family and friends..
It's time that I really move forward now and stop wallowing in self-pity, and stop making others worried about me. I've been selfish enough for the longest time.
Thank you bestie, for giving me the kick in the butt that I needed, for daring to tell me things that not many people have dared to say to me but yet is what I needed to hear, for helping me to see things from a different perspective once again. I'm really glad that you came :) Really, thank you so much bestie - more than you know.
So, my 2012's resolutions are still pretty much the same - to be happy, to be thankful, to persevere on and also another add on, to cherish every moment :)
2011 has been a year of many memorable 'first'..
First time going on a camp in perth - hse committee & tutors camp 2011. haa, it was a nice time, climbing walls, building rafts etc.. all the crazy things we do. gotta love these group of hse committee members and tutors :)
First time being part of a 'band' - the st.cats band for the Inter-college Battle of the Bands competition. First time performing on stage, really enjoying my time and having a great time playing music with the st.cats girls :)
First time going to a club - Flawless Club at Subi. Haha, pretty much just sat there and people watch with Emma for about 30 mins and then we decided to tell the others that we're going back to college. It was pretty funny to people watch actually :p haha.
First time tutoring some of the girls the chinese language - it was pretty interesting actually and fun too when explaining to the girls the meaning of the words and all that.
First time driving! - such an awesome feeling. I love that long windy stretch of road behind Dalkeith.. driving along the road by the beautiful scenery, love it! :))
First time being away from singapore for so long - 8 months odd..
First time being comfortable on my own.
First time realising what i want.
First time finding out how much perseverance i have.
First time realising how much i can actually hold on to something.
First time realising that my "limits" are not actually limits and that when i'm in desperation, i could actually be stretched beyond my 'comfort zone'.
First time walking along the streets to look for jobs, going into different companies and submitting my resume.
First time experiencing such a desperation that i can only look to God for help and for answers.
First time having such a painful heartache.
First time having such an enormous struggle in my life.
First time feeling lost in a familiar place.
First time realising and learning what it means to trust and obey (definitely not easy at all)..
What a year it has been indeed. A very very unforgettable year. A year that i dont think i can fully described what i've felt, experienced and been through... A very bittersweet year for me, but i still thank God for all the experiences i had, for the people whom i met, for lessons learnt, for things that i've come to realise and also...
I thank God for my bestfriend who could always tell how i feel or what i was thinking without me having to say much and for always being there for me. You have taught me many many things and i'll always keep your advices close to my heart. More importantly, you have taught me to be more confident of myself. Thank you, for you have shown me what a bestfriend really means. I also thank God for my family, for loving me. I know i've caused many heartaches, tears and worries.. and perhaps at the end of the day, we still may not see eye to eye about some things, but we are a family and i love you all very much. You all are always very important to me.
2011 is indeed a year that has made me learn, struggle and grow a lot. There are still things that i wished could have been different. But one thing that i've learnt from 2011 is that.. Change is constant. There are changes all the time, be it situations, things or people. I think the saddest of all changes would be people when they changed for the worse.. I've come to realise the importance of some people in my life, people who are worth holding onto.. and for some, i've come to see their true colors and it's time to let go because i'm sick and tired of being taken for granted. So i really want to thank God for the 'constants' in my life. Because no matter how circumstances change, some relationships will still remain the same.
What does 2012 have install for me? I do not know. I honestly do not know. What will i be doing? Where will i be? I have no answers. I am searching too. I'm still learning, still struggling, still trying.. I only know that i have to trust in God to guide. I have to.. because if i don't trust in Him, then i will be very very lost...
2012 resolutions? Simple. To be happy, to be thankful, to persevere on... Even though it is definitely easier said than done, but i'm not giving up...
Reality.. It's something that we all have to accept. At times, reality can be good.. at times, it really sucks a whole lot.
Right now, i'm hovering between reality and dreams. Some people say "Wake up, stop dreaming. You've got to face reality." Some people say "Don't give up on your dreams. It is possible if you believe."
Which should i listen to then? Reality seem to be hitting me right smack in my face at full force. At the same time, i'm struggling a little bit to accept reality, half thinking that dreams are still possible, though it is proving to be highly difficult.
It's a struggle when you have responsibilities, duties and roles to fulfill on one side, and on the other side, you have this understanding and knowledge that your dreams are not impossible, but requires time.
I know there are many who are worried for me. Everyone wants what is best for me, everyone has their own good intentions. I am thankful for that, i really am. It breaks my heart to see that others are hurting too.
At this moment, i think i have come to a point that is in between reality and dream. Some may find it hard to understand and i do not know how else to explain it. And frankly speaking, i do not know what else to do anymore. I don't think anyone will be able to understand the kind of struggle. Literally, it's like the chinese saying "The palm of your hand is your flesh, so is the back of your hand. No matter which side is cut, it will still hurt."
I think i have finally learnt how to let go and let God, because i know that He knows what is best, i truly do. And it's the only thing that i can hold on to right now.
I don't know what people expect me to be. To be happy no matter what happens? I wished i could too.
But the truth is, no matter what turns out in the end - reality or dream, it's still going to hurt very, very much.
Nobody said it would be easy... but no one said it would be this hard either. I'm not giving up just yet. I'm still going to give my best shot at going after what i really hope for.
Some may think it's really selfish of me in all sorts of ways. But honestly, I have done so much just to go after something that i really want to do. I have thought so much about it as well. Every single thing that was mentioned before, believe it or not, I really did think about it. Why can't I just be given the chance that i need, the time that i need? I'm not being unreasonable. I did give myself a timeline too, and I don't think it is an unreasonable timeline. I just need you all to believe in me, and allow me that timeline that I've mentioned initially and be given the chance to let me try it out.
Of course, i know, it is always said and done out of the best interests for me.. but then... is it really this time round?
I was reading the book - 'Have A Little Faith' by Mitch Albom.. and today i came across this sentence in the book ".. It is far more comforting to think God listened and said no, than to think that nobody's out there."
And i was just thinking, how true indeed.
Whatever decision God has planned for me, whatever His plans for me are.. even if, it might turned out to be a decision that i may not like.. It is comforting for me to know that God knows and has the best intentions for me, even if it will hurt quite a bit at that point in time..
Perhaps, because i know that in everything, i have to, and i want to, trust and obey my Creator/my Guidance/my Counselor.. for His plans are not to harm, but to prosper..
And perhaps it is also because i know, even if things don't turn out the way that i really really wished it would, knowing that God has the best plans for me, is the only way i know that will help me to overcome whatever disappointments and upsets that i might have..
So yeah, i'm going to give my best shot and put in my hardest effort in hope that i will be able to get what i wish for, but at the end of the day, it's all in God's hands... and at the end of the day, that's what i'm going to hold on to - His promise, His plans, His will.
So, my university life has thus come to an end. 2 years it has been. What a wonderful and amazing 2 years! No doubts there have been ups and downs, but i will definitely do it all over again. Words cannot describe what it feels like, the experiences i've been through, the lessons i've gained, how much i've learnt and changed, how much i've grown. Shall share more in time to come..
Well, 2 years of uni life has ended. But i think this is just the beginning. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Scared because of the uncertainties that lay before me, who knows what will the future hold for me.. But at the same time i'm excited because i see before me an opportunity and with each step, i know God is leading.
No one knows for sure which path i should take. I've seek opinions from others, prayed and asked God for guidance. Everyone tells me different things. And i think, it's about time that i stop trying to please everyone and all that. I'm tired of having to justify myself. I know what i am doing, don't doubt me on that. I've thought about it so often enough that it's making me go "crazy".
Honestly, in some ways, this is a journey that i will have to walk alone. People can give me advice and all that, but ultimately, i will have to walk alone on this road. I know that God will lead me in every step of the way. And i thank God for blessing me with friends around me, who can help me to see things objectively and put things into perspective in a way..
When i first came to Perth, this thought came into my mind - learning to be independent of man and dependent on God. In some ways, i've learnt this lesson in many ways during my 2 years here. And now, i think i'm ready to move on to the next step of "learning to be independent of man and dependent on God." Learning to grow, learning to become independent was never an easy task. But i think... i'm ready.
This is only the beginning of a whole new adventure.
I'm gonna move forward with faith.
It's the mid-semester break once again. It has been a pretty nice one so far, went down to Em's place with Kim for the weekend to see Em and just basically relax and chill. It was really nice, each time we're there, her parents just take such good care of us :)
Other than that, it's basically busy doing assignments and whatnots..
Sometimes, it feels like im living a dream. Til this point, i sometimes find it a little unbelievable that i am in Perth. And over the course of close to 2 years here, i think i've changed. I know i have. And in a way, change for the better too. The Esther that i was 2 years ago would probably not have imagined that I would come to Perth, experience so many different things that i know will stay with me for a lifetime.
In some ways, i have broken out of my comfort zone, i'm more daring and open now and i think, i'm beginning to become more assertive about the things that i want. Gone are the days when i do things according to other people's wishes, i've learnt to do things for my own too. I mean, i'm still pretty easy-going with most things, whatever that makes others happy, but when it comes to certain things, i think i have become more assertive..
I'm thankful, truly thankful to God, for the experiences He has given to me, the lessons He has taught me, and leading me to where i am today and guiding me into who i am today. Whatever it is, my tomorrow lies in His hands :)
Sometimes, it would be nice to know that i am being appreciated.. and not just taken for granted..
It's been a month since i last blogged. Life has been crazily busy in this short space of time. I've completed summer school, did my exam, had house committee and tutor camp and also the training week, and then it was orientation week for the freshers and before you know it, uni has started... And now, it's already the 4th week of uni. Where has all the time gone to??? But then again, busy and crazy as it may be, i say it has been rather fulfilling. I am doing what i enjoy, so even though sometimes it may be tiring, but it's worth it. The experience that i've gain from all these is priceless.
But aside from all these hustle and bustle, since the beginning of this year til now, i've been struggling with my plans about what i'm going to do after i graduate. Time and again i ask myself, what do i want to do, what is it that will make my heart be at ease? To be honest, i know the answer. I really do.
I often ask myself, if almost everyone else is saying something that is different from your own opinion, does that mean that you are wrong then? There are just so many different opinions, so many different people telling you different things, but all with a good intention... who do you listen to then? Sometimes, the voices of others are just so loud that it overpowers my inner voice.. and i strain to hear what God is telling me too.
This decision - whether to stay in Perth after i graduate and find a job here or to return back to Singapore, is one that i struggle with a lot. Perhaps to some, it may seem like a rather straightforward, simple decision. Some would say, go back to Singapore, find a job there, your family and friends are there. I did think about that before. Obviously, going back to Singapore is the easiest choice to make as i don't have to worry about finding a place to stay here, about my visa and all the many other processes that i have to do should i decide to stay in Perth for a few more years..
But when i ask myself, what do i truly want? I know that i want to stay in Perth a few more years. I want to experience even more. I feel like now is my chance, my opportunity. Now that i am here in Perth, why not just give it a go, get a job here and see what is it like..
Perhaps to some i may seem selfish. But trust me when i say that it really isn't that easy a decision that i've come to. I am not a person who makes decisions lightly. I do give quite a bit of thought whenever it comes to major decisions. I do weigh the pros and cons before making the final decision. In fact, i've been thinking about this matter for about a year now..
And to be honest, sometimes, it just irks me a little when people seem to assume that i do things without much thought, making it seem as if the things that i've decided to do is a mistake.. I know what i am doing, i know why i choose to do certain things.. No doubt, there are times when i may be wrong about my own decisions, but i do learn from it as well..
For my entire life so far, most of my decisions are often influenced by the people around me. Sometimes, i make certain decisions so that some people will be happy, because i know that, i am happy when others are happy. It is just that simple for me. But when it comes to things like this, i've come to realise, if i'm going to be pleasing others for the rest of my life, then it will be a rather difficult life wouldn't it? Perhaps, just this one time, i get to be selfish for awhile and decide what i want to do for myself and not for others..
I've thought about this, pondered over this, prayed about this, cried over this so many times. Sometimes, all i just want is someone to support me in this decision, to tell me that "It's okay, go ahead with what you want to do, i will support you, and even if this turns out to be a mistake, it is okay, you can always learn from your mistakes." And i do thank God that i do have a few friends who supports me in my decision. Thank God for them, for not imposing their own views on me, but rather questioning me at the right time to help me see things in many different perspectives. And, thank God that my parents are starting to see where i'm coming from. I know it isn't easy for them as well..
I have about 4 more months left to settle everything. I've no idea where God is going to lead me, but i am willing to take this "risk". Whatever the outcome maybe after i graduate - Perth or Singapore, it's all in God's hands.
Today's church sermon is on the introduction of the book of Ecclesiastes. I think i've gain a reminder from today's sermon. A timely reminder too, considering that i am in the midst of making plans and preparations for whatever that might happen after i graduate in June...
Life is like a mist. You can't exactly own it or buy it. A second in life is there and then it's gone. You can't put a pause button on it and then press play again whenever you want or keep it in a bottle and take it out from time to time. So, life is like a mist, you can't possess life for it is a gift from God.
Every second of our life passes by really quickly. In a blink of an eye, we're 2 years old, talking and walking. In another blink of an eye, we're in primary school. Then, another blink, we're all 18 years old, going to uni and deciding the courses we want to do. Another blink, we're out there in the working world, another blink, we're probably deciding who we're going to marry, whether the person is The One, etc.. There are many moments in our lives as such, and all these moments in life, it comes and it goes.
But i guess what the Book of Ecclesiastes is trying to teach us is to learn to fear the Lord. As it says in Proverbs 1:7 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." When we fear our Lord, i guess that's when we begin to live life wisely. I'm not saying we have to live in utter fear everyday. I guess what it means is that, when we acknowledge that God is the Lord of our life, that He is in control of our life, we'll learn how to live joyfully and cherish every single moments in our life and live it as if it is the last, because we can't keep a moment forever - it's like mist.. and also because we never know what will happen tomorrow.
Like what it says in James 4:13 "Now listen, you who say "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you don't even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." So we need to also learn to be less controlling of every aspect of our life. We can try and plan about everything, but ultimately everything is meaningless if it is not part of God's plan.
So yeah, what i learnt from today's sermon is to live in the present, cherish every moment that i have, with my friends, my family. And also, as much as i can plan and try to map out the possible routes for my future, at the end of the day, i will need to lay them all before the Lord and entrust them into His hands, for only He knows which route i should take. For in everything, i will need to seek the Lord first and the rest shall be given to me.
I hope it will be the same for all of you as well. Whichever stage in life you may be, whatever answers in life that you are seeking, whatever that you may be going through, etc.. It is a moment in life that will come and go. If you're going through a hard time, trust in the Lord, seek comfort in Him. The hard time will eventually pass and you'll emerge stronger than ever. If it is a good time that you're in now, cherish it for when the moment has passed, it is gone. In every moment of your life, trust in the Lord, give thanks to Him and give the reign of control over to Him. When we do that - give control of our life over to God, i think we'll all learn how to live more joyfully.
CNY is finally here. Today is the eve of chinese new year. Every year on the eve of cny, we'll all gather together at someone's house for our reunion dinner. It's such a joyous day. Though it is crazily busy, spring cleaning the house, buying th cny goodies, buying new clothes, preparing the food, etc.. but it is all a happy kind of busy.
I can just imagine what it'll be like at home now, since this year's reunion dinner is at my house. It must be a crazy time of preparation of food and all that, perhaps cny songs will be playing from our speakers and soon in about 2 hours time, all my relatives will start to arrive and all the lovely joyous time of reunion and fun begins :) And then for the next few days it will be a time of house visitationsssssssss. Literally, visitationssssss, cos there are just so many houses to go to, a little tiring to be honest, but it's nice :)
So this year is my first time spending cny away from home. But i guess it's okay. I just hope everyone will have a great cny this year, with lots of good food and good fun :)
